in chicago: notions 12-13.

Frausto 3 Comments

notion 12.

what did you mean?-
that the sunset was beautiful.
what did you mean?-
that it was the greatest morning,
waking up next to me.
and could you have meant?-
what i was thinking
as i opened
me eyes, awakened
to your cheek on my arm,
and my heart on display.
what did you mean?

07.09.2005.

 

 

 

notion 13.

do we just pretend?,
or do we really mean?
are we the islands?
we retreat to
when the world
gets too difficult,
when the words
get too complicated
to explain and work it through.
and i don’t know about you.
do
we
just pretend?-
that things are fine
when really they’re
so amazing.
so amazing! so amazing!
my soul waiting naked
to open up, to unravel
all of its secret desires
that you’ve inspired,
or do we just?-
pretend.

07.09.2005.

in chicago: notions 9-11.

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notion 9.

people watching.
our fears are hunters.
and then came the storm
to divide the sea
like ancient times
before past was memory,
and the future forgot.

07.09.2005.

 

 

 

notion 10.

she’s had my heart, and feels so heart shaped,
fit me in a box, then lock it so i,
can’t escape the hate we surround
everything we’ve created. forgive
the uninspired. forgive.

07.09.2005.

 

 

 

notion 11.

we’ve gotten so sad.
we have grown so sad,
and it’s hard letting go
of how i remember
that it was.
how the world used to be.
how it was.
you may not have
the time to explain,
but i’ve all the time,
all the time in the world for you,
as long as you promise
to come closer to me
because, because,
because i miss you so much.

07.09.2005.

in chicago: notions 7-8.

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notion 7.

take me off the list. i am not
registering my i.d. or name
on a certificate that will detail
the broken memory of the humans
we are supposed to be, supposed to
be like the ancient memories of
the heart we used to be from
w/in the dreams we see when
we sleep. keep mine in a box
that’s locked w/ a key lying
hidden in another box. so many layers
that get set up to set you up before
the sun dries out the sea w/ an acid
no one saw coming but everyone
had a feeling.

07.2005.

 

 

 

notion 8.

let’s get spiritual, so i can be
something much more than what
we can see past a state
so high, we’re flying. wave
goodbye to the ghosts we
used to fear as children.
you’ll hold my hand
and i’ll hold yours,
so we can dream of the sea
till we escape from drowning,
till we understand what reality
means, and if sunshine is
new so we can pretend
to figure out.

07.2005.

in chicago: notions 5-6.

Frausto 7 Comments

notion 5.

yes,
i am the blues
i have when my breath
starts to choke on the memories.
sometimes, i don’t have time
to say everything i’m thinking.
and is every thought even worth
mentioning? who am i
deceiving? everyone, but me.
nobody, but me
sees the colors i breathe
when i speak of dreams
created while traveling
on other dimensions,
planes of existence
until we’ve become pure.

07.2005.

 

 

 

notion 6.

wash away my heart. it holds too many secrets.
i am the island of regret. so far off,
can’t get back what i lack. the sun just
went black. there’s no way back. no
way back. i need my memories to
return to me from my eyes. i used to
see until i understood everything.
my heart is a broken piece of my
memory and how can i disappear
completely. if only we were wishing
of the dreams one used to be.

07.2005.

in chicago: notion 4.

Frausto 2 Comments

notion 4.

we revolted against the time
in order to find what remains
when the bones are bare.
not that the universe
really cares, eventually
another big bang,
and a different life form
roaming the earth
after the centuries of
our memories.
is there recorded history for everything?
and if so, who’s recording it?
are we willing to admit
that at a certain point
the world was crashing?
galaxies eventually became
a song of lost memory.
no one remembers me,
or is it that everyone’s
constantly staring. i am a being,
quietly, breathing me heart.
all feeling, but conscious
can’t see everything.
can’t give up on thinking
the feelings, we emit.
i must admit. i must admit.

07.2005.

in chicago: notions 1-3.

Frausto 2 Comments

notion 1.

ayer salio el sol y me pidió
que por favor le cantáramos
al amor.

07.2005.

 

 

 

notion 2.

return to childhood dreams,
which for so long i’ve missed.
we’ll fly off paradise
for some guidance
through the emptiness,
through the haze and the mist-
make sense out of all of this.
we’ll fly off paradise-
return to childhood dreams,
which for so long i’ve missed.

and we can pretend to say anything.
oh, we could even try being everything.
and should we keep things like this
everyday.
or we could keep this a secret
when we disappear into the walls.
forget what winter’s like
when wrapped around your arms.

07.2005.

 

 

 

notion 3.

she’s not the little box
i like to keep her in.
she’s not the pretty hair
i like to pull to me.
can we be as perfect
as we imagined to be?

07.2005.

prologue.

Frausto 4 Comments

prologue.
       the idea for this book came while traveling in mexico where i realized all i had were ideas. these are just some of them. except for the preface and prologue, these poems were written with the idea/ notion of the road, being on the road and where it interconnects with the city. are ideas feelings? sometimes, i feel i think so.
       these poems are inspired by the beats. everything by amiri baraka. ginsberg’s howl and america. kerouac’s mexico city blues. burroughs’ battles. but also rimbaud, basho, nezahualcooyotl, saul Williams, blake, cummings even shakespeare. indirectly, through ideas/ notions, they’ve been my mentors/ teachers/ fathers/ brothers. and a slave i have become to these notions and ideas. so much so that i can feel them in me- alive.
       and then came all the kids i met like rastitas, jeffrey, rafa, salvador, paloma, selan (queretaro), taiwan en puerto escondido, who treated us very well. buenas vibras hermanos. my uncle guicho, who showed me there were others like me in the family. my sister and monica (mi monita)- mi banda (remember mojitos?). my parents and angelica- hope you enjoyed the trip. angelica when you’re older, we got a lot to show you. bueno me despido. keep learning to make truth. it’s what’s in your heart.
       i’m not afraid of disappearing and i’m not trying to be famous. i’m just sharing what little i have.

(while in guanajuato, san miguel de allende, and mexico city, my parents and little sister were around, so what you see is all i got.)

08.10.2005.

preface: notions o-q.

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notion o.

come on
tell me
what it’d
be like
to be
able
to pretend
that it’s
ok
w/out
feeling dirty
on the
inside
about
it all
w/ our backs
up against
the wall.
come on
sell me
down the
river,
where i can
meet my
maker.

2005.

 

 

 

notion p.

there’s no pill or answer
that will get offered.
just in case,
that’s what you were
looking for.

2005.

 

 

 

notion q.

this democracy hasn’t
worked for the many.
the majority
and there lies the irony
of the few
in possession of
control
over you and me
and the whole world…

2005.

preface: notions l-n.

Frausto 3 Comments

notion l.

welcome
morning
lover.

will you still
be here
when night comes near?

welcome
morning
lover.

and i don’t want you to go,
but don’t know how to say,
“please stay
in my arms forever,
melt away like sins of youth
till our love becomes like truth.”

2005.

 

 

 

 

notion m.

become like truth,
like two children
scheming at the kissing booth.

2005.

 

 

 

 

notion n.

i only ever wanted to be
a single living entity, a human being,
but everyone kept saying, i had to choose something-
schemas developed by their psyche.
so i chose, now, i’m feeling lonely and ugly
like everything else, everyone else,
but myself,
but me, but me.
why can’t i just be me.

2005.

preface: notions i-k.

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notion i.

the unrealized self,
the undiscovered self,
the development of the self,
the experience of the self
in a racist country.

04.2005.

 

 

 

notion j.

the final breakdown
and how we’ll measure
up in the final
moment.

2005.

 

 

 

notion k.

are you just
feelings
that i have?

you’re just an
ancient feeling
that i’ve had
erupting from within or
without me.

nothing
ever does
make sense
and no one
ever did,
understands.

2005.