affect change, positive effects,
cause all love is hopeful.
affect change, positive effects,
cause all love is hopeful.
affect change, positive effects,
cause all love is hopeful.
affect change, positive effects,
cause all love is hopeful.
i don’t want to
burden
anybody
with my troubles,
but my middle class ass
lives inside a bubble
that regularly gets burst
by the skin
that i walk in,
the languages
i speak-
the syntax i select.
financially, i can afford
to repair the bubble,
but psychologically,
the burden of being brown
is bearing down hard
on me,
and this is not
an attempt
to cast blame and guilt
on anyone,
but just how i’m feeling.
just how i’m feeling.
just how i’m feeling.
how can it be?
how can it be?
if we are so
fucking free?
if we are so
fucking free?
you must be
kidding me.
you must be
kidding me.
you must be
kidding me.
love is simple-
simple to love.
love is easy-
easy to love.
hate is hard-
brings one down.
love carries
one above,
but there’s
no trust,
no trust,
no justice,
no trust,
so we get caught,
and we get trapped
inside these webs
of lies and hate
that we can’t escape,
but we just want,
just to be free,
psychologically
and physically.
psychologically and physically.
no justice.
no peace.
how can it be?
how can it be?
if we are so
fucking free?
if we are so
fucking free?
you must be
kidding me.
you must be
kidding me.
you must be
kidding me.
some folks ain’t got no time.
no time for empathy,
i dig. i’m so sorry
the universe made
you this way
that you can’t recall
being a young small child
and having an open heart
and having an open heart
and having an open heart
before the world
tore you apart.
i’m a rapper by default,
but a poet in my heart.
i don’t do this for hip hop.
i do this ‘cause it’s art.
i do this to maintain,
keep myself from growing insane
like a rose out of concrete.
i rhyme over beats,
and walk the earth
on my own two feet
b e c a u s e i c a n n o t d r i v e.
it’s my attempt to remain alive,
or perhaps i’m just afraid,
scared, and i don’t trust people.
it’s getting dark inside,
and there are shadows on the wall
that call my name(s),
but aren’t my friends.
“where they begin is where i end”,
but it’s not that simple
with so many people.
at some point, our boundaries
all begin to blend,
and all our scars and secrets
become displayed for all to see.
i’m a rapper by default,
but a poet in my heart.
i don’t do this for hip hop.
i do this ‘cause it’s art.
so by now, i should probably explain what i have been doing. with my last entry, i just completed posting the end to my third collection of poetry. the poems are all on here in reverse order i guess, but you can still check them out. perhaps one day, i’ll finally feel the poems and collections truly finished to publish them in book format. the three collections are titled: poetic ethnography, poetic syncretism, and notions: on politics, loss, love, and self. someone asked why i had posted a bunch of old poems, well mostly to get them out there, so theywouldn’t just wither and rot on my computer’s hardware, but i also simply because i can. the internet makes it that easy.
up next, i will be posting stories i’ve written since college usually around the same character or a very similar character, which i usually call, carlos castillo. sometimes the stories make sense as a continuation of each other, butsometimes the character is new and disjointed in ways i’ve never been able to reconcile. the character was developed in my creating writing courses, but grew out of my experiences afterwards.
i started working on the second person voice after returning from living and working abroad. i was substitute teaching, and had a lot of time, usually while everyone else was working. the character remained dark, and perhaps sometimes too dark, but that’s kind of how i like it. i probably wouldn’t write some of these stories today as i’m in a very different place in my life now. there’s a reason why my old blog was titled of the lonely lost dark empty.
carlos castillo has mostly been retired as a character in my stories, but perhaps, i’ll bring him back and continue to write stories with him as a character. i still can’t promise some of the new stories won’t be as dark.
spoiler alert: the author kills off our hero in the first act.
also throughout the collection of stories, i’ll be sprinkling poems, articles, photos, and songs, which may or may not have anything to do with the collection of stories and carlos castillo.
e.e. cummings has always been quite influential in my writing as were Joel Rose, author of Kill the Poor and Kill Kill Faster Faster; Rick Moody, author of Garden State and The Ice Storm; and Chuck Palahniuk, author of Fight Club and Survivor.
access america
an exercise in angst
and now she
corporate democracy confuses
little drummer boy
no one to dance or chat with
piece for frustrated dreamers
re
revolution pose
song for you
take
violent vehicle
words for ghosts forgotten
youth screaming
Below is a list of movies that have influenced my personal philosophy through the power of their story telling.
1. Fight Club
“You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fucking khakis. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. ”
Based in the novel by Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club really spoke to how my friends and I were feeling at the time about the world.
2. The Matrix
The Matrix offered us a glimpse into a future we are still becoming.
3. The Battleship Potemkin
4. Trainspotting
This movie got me excited about watching movies that came from other countries.
5. ∏
This black and white film by Darren Aronofsky about the insane world of mathematicians blew my away while introducing the world to this amazing director.
6. The Harder They Come
This is one of the first movies about Jamaica by Jamaicans highlights the pitfalls of stardom.
So before a lot of people start to assume that I listen only to hip hop and rap, or others that I’m an over-aged angry punk rocker, here’s a list of newer folk music I really enjoy. I think deep down when all is said and done, I am really just a big time hippie.
I don’t know what folk music really is, nor do I like putting music into genres, but this is just what I think of when I think of folk music, and I really like the fact that it seems to be coming back, at least commercially it is much more visible. There is no order to this (and that’s just the way I like it) list.
I heard this band with my wife, then girlfriend, after one of her best friend’s weddings. They had planned for those that were still up for partying to accompany them to the show. We bought their album that night, and fell in love with this band. But besides the emotional connections to our memories, their music always makes me yearn for a good walk through a forest away from the city for a bit, which is probably intended since they have been known to write a few songs, and albums in fact, amongst nature’s wilderness. They also use an accordion, which is very cool when it is made to rock.
This guy’s music just blows me away, not because it’s so complicated, but because it seems so simple and effortless. It just seems like so much fun. It’s also very worldly, and if you read any information about him, you’ll understand why. He might be a bit theatrical for some, but I find it comically refreshing.
His electronic stuff might not be so folky, but his music displays the sounds of the world and of the past. He delves heavily into eastern European sounds, a bit of Paris mixed in, and has even recorded half an album with a Mexican folk band. I include him because he plays the ukulele.
I must admit that this is a band that I have only found recently and am a bit disappointed with myself for not having found them earlier. Their name was something that kind of scared me away at first, but after watching a few videos on Youtube, I was impressed. Their from Portland, which, no way, really, but yeah, they are very cool. I just really liked all the harmonizing that this band has going on.
This band is a whole different animal if you will. The collective is really just four guys, that pretty much exchange leads on songs, and not always with all four members. Though they include a lot of electronics, I find their approach to be very folk, especially at how songs sound like jam sessions. As they’ve gotten bigger, their projects have gotten more ambitious, but their is still a lot of soul to their music. Avey Tare and Panda’s solo projects are also very good, and in my opinion much more focused than Merriweather Post Pavilion.
I will admit that the name was the first thing that made me want to check out this band. Let’s face it, it’s evocative. And sometimes, there music is as well, but for the most part their music is a lot of fun. There’s a lot of videos where you can check them out using a stand up bass and a washboard. They have a song about people that eat people being the luckiest people of all. Check them out if you have a sense of humor.
Two sisters. Something about Americans going to live in Paris, and making music. They use children’s toys as instruments, and often sing in child like tones, which are actually more haunting than soothing. This is hippie music for the ex-goth kid.
As half of The Moldy Peaches, Kimya Dawson demonstrated quite a sarcastic wit. With the soundtrack for Juno, she demonstrated a much softer and mature side, which is where she is usually at now as a solo artist. She also creates children’s music, which she performs where half of the show is meant for the kids, while the second half is aimed at their parents. I’ve also heard a few songs from a project she’s working on with Aesop Rock, which I have been eagerly anticipating.
These guys’ music makes me very happy. It is a bit commercial at times, and sometimes I do feel it’s more about aesthetics with them, but I must admit that they put on a good show.
Although since losing Ryan Vanderhoof the band does not sound completely the same in my opinion. They are still a very good band, which jams out like the best bands of the 60’s and 70’s. I guess I really like bands that have a lot of harmonizing.
Maybe the only thing these bands have in common is that they fill me with nostalgia.
So I will be compiling random lists of tens. I guess until I run out of ideas. Each list will be about a specific topic. None of the lists will be extensive, but merely reflect the mood I am in. All of the lists will be presented in no particular order, but probably more or less the order in which I thought about them.
If anything these lists are meant to help me keep mental inventory of my interests.
I love the city, and am an urban brat. With that said, maybe it’s because of the neighborhoods I’ve grown up in, but graffiti has always intrigued me. The level of expression and the level of illegality make the art form attractive to all urban rebels, especially since many of its messages have yet to be deciphered.
I know it’s trendy as all hell, but for someone who grew up disliking jocks, yoga is a happy medium. The stretching is something that gets me going, and ready to head out into the city streets. The fact that I can practice yoga anywhere I have my mat is something, which ensures I maintain my yoga practice. Plus the meditation aspect of yoga is perfect to help shut off the city noise when so desired.
I’m personally a big fan of Rodney Yee, and watching his DVD’s really helped get my practice started which has now lasted over two years.
My initial interest began with Jim Morrison. Eventually, I read Carlos Castaneda books. In my travels through Mexico, I have at several times attempted to connect to my indigenous past through shamanism and my ancestors magical past.
Anyone with a little of consciousness can sense that something is very wrong with the world. You don’t have to be an economist or rocket scientist to have a feeling that we are heading in a very dangerous direction. Perhaps, now more that ever, we are in need of the Shaman. Our rock stars no longer fulfill that need, the way the Doors intended to do.
As someone that grew up on punk music, this is just a further extent of the culture into adulthood. I am glad that the DIY movement is extending outside of the music scene and into very pragmatic everyday things like generating one’s own electricity. The mainstream will never know where it’s at until it’s too late because the kids are all doing it for themselves.
This is a no brainer. The planet is on everyone’s minds, well at least those of us who believe in science. I’m really excited by the do-it-yourself aspect of a lot of environmental initiatives, especially those in the inner city and in “underdeveloped” countries.
Mexico is the country where my parents came from. In order to better understand who I am, I have had to learn about where they came from. This has helped me understand them better, but also myself. The country to the south is like a grandparent I hardly knew growing up, but with which I have become very familiar with as an adult. Mexico is for all intents and purposes still a post-revolutionary state.
Let me be clear, I am interested in an education of liberation, and not simply in a liberal education. Until that distinction is made clear, all conversation and dialogue will be futile.
Poetry is my passion, my friend, my retreat, and my weapon. Poetry fills a lot of spaces in my world. I first started writing regularly when I was 12, but I didn’t think of myself as a serious poet until I was 16. Still I wasn’t able to refer to myself as a poet until I came up with the moniker, po’ E.T. about 4-5 years ago.
Will post a post about my favorite ten poets later, or at least my ten favorite that day.
I got into vinyl into seeing something on the history channel. They found these vases that had grooves on the outside, which they tried to play with a needle and a speaker. They explained about how if we were to lose access to all technology, we’d still be able to play vinyl as long one had a needle and something to use as a speaker. It made me think, “I better get some vinyl to ensure I got some tunes for the apocalypse.”
Nothing beats being able to process your own film and develop one’s own photos. I miss having access to a darkroom, but digital photography compensates for it, and requires much less space and no inhaling of chemicals.
but there’s nothing here to profit
but my sanity and you
work in progress. 12.18.2011
lead guitar, drums, production by pepetorias
rhythm guitar, vocals by po’ E.T.
tell me how i’m supposed to be.
tell me what i’m supposed to see
as i drown ever deeper into the sea
of an ever overflowing memory.
where exactly is it that you and i exist,
and what exactly is there that still persists?
how after hundreds of centuries,
do humans still resist
the universe’s pull back into mother nature’s womb?
is this ground space for growing seeds or just our tomb?
and i’m not sure how we make any more room anymore,
so then we got to learn to get along, don’t we?
and who exactly do we listen to?
well, not no fool on tv that’s for sure.
the world revolves and it turns.
the sun expands and it burns.
and children go to school, but never learn
anything that’s really reflecting their reality.
simply expected to fit in a box,
connect the dots, filling in bubbles,
but never to express their thoughts.
oh, but i forgot, but just for a second though
that this government’s run so corporate,
and deals get made behind closed doors
of which most of us will never know,
since records won’t get released till everyone’s gone,
and most of us will simply follow along.
seems so much more simple to just follow along
than drag my sorrow through the streets,
and go out and start screaming what it is i’m thinking,
what it is i’m feeling
about how we need to start listening to children’s poetry,
and find the young that have been the real victims of decisions
made by governments and their dissidents,
and find the young and instead of guns
hand them a camera and microphone,
so that the whole world can know
what’s become of their community and their home
because of all the violence around domestic and abroad.
we are all so far gone and already feeling so done,
but what exactly is there to be won.
05.28.11
UP!::urban po'E.Tree(s) 