writing

prologue.

Frausto 4 Comments

prologue.
       the idea for this book came while traveling in mexico where i realized all i had were ideas. these are just some of them. except for the preface and prologue, these poems were written with the idea/ notion of the road, being on the road and where it interconnects with the city. are ideas feelings? sometimes, i feel i think so.
       these poems are inspired by the beats. everything by amiri baraka. ginsberg’s howl and america. kerouac’s mexico city blues. burroughs’ battles. but also rimbaud, basho, nezahualcooyotl, saul Williams, blake, cummings even shakespeare. indirectly, through ideas/ notions, they’ve been my mentors/ teachers/ fathers/ brothers. and a slave i have become to these notions and ideas. so much so that i can feel them in me- alive.
       and then came all the kids i met like rastitas, jeffrey, rafa, salvador, paloma, selan (queretaro), taiwan en puerto escondido, who treated us very well. buenas vibras hermanos. my uncle guicho, who showed me there were others like me in the family. my sister and monica (mi monita)- mi banda (remember mojitos?). my parents and angelica- hope you enjoyed the trip. angelica when you’re older, we got a lot to show you. bueno me despido. keep learning to make truth. it’s what’s in your heart.
       i’m not afraid of disappearing and i’m not trying to be famous. i’m just sharing what little i have.

(while in guanajuato, san miguel de allende, and mexico city, my parents and little sister were around, so what you see is all i got.)

08.10.2005.

preface: notions o-q.

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notion o.

come on
tell me
what it’d
be like
to be
able
to pretend
that it’s
ok
w/out
feeling dirty
on the
inside
about
it all
w/ our backs
up against
the wall.
come on
sell me
down the
river,
where i can
meet my
maker.

2005.

 

 

 

notion p.

there’s no pill or answer
that will get offered.
just in case,
that’s what you were
looking for.

2005.

 

 

 

notion q.

this democracy hasn’t
worked for the many.
the majority
and there lies the irony
of the few
in possession of
control
over you and me
and the whole world…

2005.

preface: notions l-n.

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notion l.

welcome
morning
lover.

will you still
be here
when night comes near?

welcome
morning
lover.

and i don’t want you to go,
but don’t know how to say,
“please stay
in my arms forever,
melt away like sins of youth
till our love becomes like truth.”

2005.

 

 

 

 

notion m.

become like truth,
like two children
scheming at the kissing booth.

2005.

 

 

 

 

notion n.

i only ever wanted to be
a single living entity, a human being,
but everyone kept saying, i had to choose something-
schemas developed by their psyche.
so i chose, now, i’m feeling lonely and ugly
like everything else, everyone else,
but myself,
but me, but me.
why can’t i just be me.

2005.

preface: notions i-k.

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notion i.

the unrealized self,
the undiscovered self,
the development of the self,
the experience of the self
in a racist country.

04.2005.

 

 

 

notion j.

the final breakdown
and how we’ll measure
up in the final
moment.

2005.

 

 

 

notion k.

are you just
feelings
that i have?

you’re just an
ancient feeling
that i’ve had
erupting from within or
without me.

nothing
ever does
make sense
and no one
ever did,
understands.

2005.

preface: notions g-h.

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notion g.

we were once
memories
from an island
empty, alone.
across the skies,
your name is a
memory that lies.

we were once
a divine,
intertwined
feeling of coming
alive.

we were designed to
offset from the jumpstart
from which truth
derives.
belonging to chaos,
we turn ourselves
in, forgotten-
seeking redemption
to be forgiven
by the unseen
not spoken.

08.30.2004.

notion h.

cultivating silence
and the culture of isolation,
fragments of detachment-
fearful of involvement.

2004.

preface: notion f.

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notion f.

they said that the boy seemed
interesting. and in separate rooms,
they analyzed the
ancient texts
that lay hidden underneath
the boy’s unconscious
until engulfed by the
universe unraveling
as each room spilled out.
oozing with feelings
that no leader could withhold
whole as the world sucks
the soul of those that
grew old.

but the boy is still a child,
and so innocence is still wild.
and in children’s hearts
the ghosts of the future
are aching and screaming
because the past and present
are in direct contrast.
a contradiction of
what the future should be.
and any child, without reading but
just by observing,
can sense it’s all wrong.
and the interest and love
they once felt becomes
dissolved as grownups.

08.30.2004.

preface: notions d-e.

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notion d.

write life away
and social interaction.
no one understands
like my pen and
paper do.

lock me away underneath
to repent
for having been sent.

08.24.2004.

 

 

notion e.

while
studying memory,
i only want
dreams to be
free.
not have to pay for
what i’m thinking,
and be sure it’s me
that’s doing the feeling,
and not just another marketing scheme.

08.30.2004.

preface: notions a-b.

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notion a.

this mr. president be angry.
someone please,
give him
some ecstasy.

05.2004.

 

notion b.

so that the effects of these
economics on hispanics and blacks
is not some concept that’s abstract,
but plain obvious.
just go check out some facts,
and ask
city tenements, ghetto projects.
prison cells are modern forms
of slavery and shackles.

but no one blames presidents
or their cabinets
for a nation of addicts
chasing american dreams,
blindly hustling schemes.
just to get by,
just to get by,
just to get by-
barely under the radar,
hoping not to be bombed
or found disposable.

06.06.2004.

contents.

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contents.

introduction.
preface (notions a-q).
prologue.

in chicago.
notions 1-35.

in querétaro.
notions 36-54.

in la ciudad de méxico (méxico city).
notions 55-56.

in puerto escondido.
notions 57-78.

in san cristóbal de las casas.
notions 79-98.

in guadalajara.
notions 99-115.

on a plane from guadalajara to atlanta.
notions 116-127.

on a plane from atlanta to chicago.
notions 128-140.

in chicago back again.
epilogue (notions i-xvii).