my friends and dreams.

talked to my friends about a dream i was starting to have,
and i could have sworn they had all been there.

as i was telling and describing,
i got the strangest feeling
that i had shared this anecdote before,
but everyone was too polite to say anything.

i felt my words bounce off them,
and crash against the padded glass walls inside my room.

that was the first time that
i had finally understood
my actual, current situation,
and why it was that it had always seemed
like i could never leave,
but everyone else entered and exited at will.

it was madness.
i told myself to relax.
i told myself to calm down.
breathe. just breathe, i kept saying, almost as if chanting,
calling incantations in case i forgot to
breathe.

i started pacing back and forth,
or maybe i was going in circles.
i needed to crouch back under my covers,
and roll up into a ball.
if only i record return to the womb,
to the fetal stage,
the “pro-lifers” would save me.

where was i?
better yet, what was i?
what was this form of consciousness i was experiencing?
i knew that i was me,
but the me that i was wasn’t the me i was supposed to be.
of that much, i was sure.

i waited patiently like i was taught
for something to happen,
for something to happen,
but nothing happened.

it was madness.
i told myself to relax.
i told myself to calm down.
breathe. just breathe, i kept saying, almost as if chanting,
calling incantations in case i forgot to
breathe.

i’d have to be the catalyst.
the change i wanted to see-
it was a beautiful dream.

it was a beautiful dream,
and you were all there,
and we all understood why we were there,
and there was no need for questions
because we all just knew.

it was a beautiful dream.
walk slowly with us,
and please be patient,
everyone sees the light eventually.

04.22.16.