wind blows away.

wind blows away.
fly fast, east- 
buddha ranting. 
wind 
just blows 
away 
hopes and dreams 
one had. 
had it. 

had it all. 

had all 
then lost it, 
in grip, 
then let slip 
away. 
wind 
blows it all, 
away. 
had to- 
past obligation. 

love less, 
live more, 
loveless, 
lifeless, 
immobile. 

in a second, everything will be memories, 
fading slowly. 
in a year- 
unconscious, hidden 
away. 
wind blows 
everything 
away. time 
had. 
had it all 
then lost. 

on an island, 
ghosts scream 
to loves 
abandoned 
in the crowd 
now gone 
away 
forever. 
07.28.02.

seeing.

seeing.

antichrist dream, 
land filled with heroes. 
crumbling idols, 
worshipping symbols 
of an empty people. 
manic-depressive, 
obsessive compulsive. 
crucify time 
to better explain now. 

how to explain? 
how to understand 
the past and the present 
without eating up past the future? 
send time into a void 
to travel through space. 

from this island 
it’s hard to see 
-to hear the sea, 
to smell the flesh, 
to taste the soul, 
to feel alive. 

to be engulfed by infinite energy. 

is it a dream 
or a living desire? 
-to see it all perish 
and await resurrection 
on top of a mountain 
or deep in a jungle 
away from the concrete 
and synthetic plastics, 
but inside a universe breathing. 

entertained through thought, 
avoiding some action, 
hoping for peace 
by hiding from war. 
remove all the masks 
and how does it look? 

so, living in darkness 
is not what it seems, 
when shades begin 
to frighten the soul of the child; 
one needs to scream 
to perceive energy. 

to be engulfed by infinite energy. 

03.15.02.

power lies.

power lies.

truth seeker, freedom fighter, make self laugh with idea of words, used to dream of being like che, or some kind of castro, but now, most desire to be free of all ideology, and not have to hide behind political identities, ‘cause what does anything matter as long as it smells like human, but always have to include own personal quirks and preferences, making things such a horrible mess, thus stalin was a dictator, and castro, republicans, and democrats are dictators all as well, and there’s nothing, no one can say to change my mind.

2001.

masturbating ego (playing with oneself).

masturbating ego (playing with oneself).

I. 
and by god, 
i swear, i think, 
i wish we could. 

II. 
note to self, 
everything you do 
is a note to self. 

you’re so selfish, 
self absorbed, 
i want the world 
to know it. 

clear off all meaning, 
just to be able 
to listen, 
but always speaking. 

never stop to 
listen, 
and start thinking i’m the star, 
the star in movie, 
the protagonist in novel. 

(what a novel idea- 
breaking oneself 
to feel special.) 

III. 
all a special joke, you know. 
planned out everything said, 
all movements, 
preplanned motions that don’t understand the 
     commotion. 

trying so hard to play it off, 
and be disconnected, 
making mental relations, 
while avoiding physical interactions. 
are you a lot closer than i thought? 

(can’t see what i’m writing. 
hand don’t move on instinct. 
don’t trust reflexes.) 

everything is filler, through filter 
in between the middle and the end, 
forgetting the beginning. 

so afraid of it ending right now. 

am no artist or hero or no thing. 
am so prehistoric, 
but the modern world keeps trying to change 
     with the times. 
but just wants to stay the same. 
remain like rats and roaches, and survive 
     through the nuclear age. 

IV. 
waiting for shadow 
to resemble regret, 
wishing i wasn’t so mad at the oceans 
of my days. 

everything so insincere, 
but really just wanting to connect. 
you connect to me, 
me remain so disconnected, 
so unaffected. 

so fuck it. fuck it. 

(was, just been trying 
to make the moment special 
for self.)

2000.

forget the tomorrow.

forget the tomorrow.

nothing 
should matter, 
nothing should 
matter, 
nothing should matter. 

weeds 
grow, 
everything else 
deteriorates and decays. 

gonna 
die soon 
so 
then guess (guess what?) 
forget tomorrow. 

forget tomorrow. 
forget 
tomorrow and fuck 
tomorrow. 

and all 
children 
will arrive 
at same 
conclusion 
because if, because if 
tomorrow really mattered, 
then all one 
would be allowed 
to speak of 
would be love.

07.28.02.

engaging in conversation.

engaging in conversation.

          can we talk? can we? wondering the same question? keep thinking; people even talking to each other anymore, or just waiting for a turn to speak? no one listens. so is anyone engaging in conversation? are we just companions/ spectators for each others’ monologues? everyone as everyone else’s psychiatrist.

but what happens then to our sacred privacy? is anyone willing to risk their precious self? so i guess, yes, we can talk. but will we be listening to each other, or simply reply with preplanned conversation techniques learned to respond with, so as to seem interested or attentive in situations when one is not?

will we give a fuck about each other’s conversation? will we just bore ourselves?

humanity is mediocre and that’s it. so why not just get lost in mediocre conversation, and listen as well as mediocre selves can? listen our little mediocre hearts out. so yeah, we can talk. what you wanna talk about?

11.09.02.

dead serious.

dead serious.

just a standup comic 
whose weaknesses mock poetry, 
but some things you have to take seriously. 

just a stand up comic, 
whispering empty nothings into a larger void, 
but some things, 
not me, 
some things you have to take seriously. 

like nietzsche, dostoevsky, hell even freud, 
you have to take that seriously? 
socrates, aristotle, maybe jesus, aids or nuclear threats, 
do we take those seriously? 

just a stand up comic, 
a clown, 
not really funny. 
sorry but joke 
lacks punch lines. 
am court’s jester 
prepared for abuse, 
awaiting jury of non-peers 
to reach a verdict 
because some things, not me, 
whether anyone likes it or not, even though i’m 
     quite sorry to inform, 
have to be taken seriously. 

but then, 
just maybe, 
one day 
i’ll grow to be old enough 
and detached 
to not have to care 
or give a fuck. 

cynicism and sarcasm no longer defenses but a way of travel 

and plans for living.

07.26.02.

color stupid (out of lines).

color stupid (out of lines).

“hello students,
you have a new classmate. 
he is red.” 

teacher called me red, 
and i 
didn’t know why, 
but i 
should have realized 
it meant i 
would die. 

kids were all different. 
violet was mean and violent. 
yellow- shy. 
pink- sweet but silent. 

but no one got along 
because the teachers wouldn’t let us. 
teachers pointed out differences. 
and what the teachers taught us would only end up killing us. 

the kids made fun of everyone. 
yellow-green was a mutt, 
but didn’t understand what that meant. 
blue and green were always fighting, 
but didn’t understand why they fought. 
didn’t understand why no one got along. 

and in school--had a friend, 
they called him purple. 
and teacher said, 
we couldn’t play because we were different. 
teacher said colors weren’t supposed to mix. 

so when i got home, i ran inside, reached into my bookbag 
got an eraser and erased myself. 

and now i am invisible. and now i am invincible. 
and now i am invisible. and now i am invincible. 
and now i am invisible. and now i am invincible.
1996.