waking up to terrorists on the front lawn

yo, this country’s killing everybody. 
starting with you and me, 
and how we got sold to some entity that’s corporate- 
all based on who had the highest bidding in your state. 
how many tax breaks can we afford to make 
for people and companies that just want more and more to take? 
how much more can i take before 
i feel like just another corporate whore? 
and really when i stare at the future, 
i’m not sure what it is that we have in store 
as everything becomes a giant grey blur, 
and it’s at times like these when one needs love more and more 
than ever before. 
man, they got me feeling like an alien being 
cause i’m not understanding their thinking or reasoning. 
it’s like it’s not even the same language that we’re speaking. 
it’s like we don’t even exist on the same planet, 
and all these fanatics on a pulpit 
got me feeling like a maniac. 
man, i swear to god, 
i think i’ve had it with the chaos that surrounds, 
that’s created in this country. 
why is it my country produces so many weapons? 
and am i just its orphan son cause i disapprove? 
and where exactly is it to that zealots expect i should move? 
am i just the prodigal son 
that never learned to get along, 
but why is this the only way the west can be won? 
and was mao right, 
does all power come from the barrel of a gun, 
or was he simply stating a historical observation and analysis? 
leaving it up to us to learn the lesson 
and change the basis for what progress is. 
man, they got me feeling like an alien being 
cause i’m not understanding their thinking or reasoning. 
it’s like it’s not even the same language that we’re speaking.
it’s like we don’t even exist on the same planet.

recorded and written on 05.23.11

me he acostumbrado

music written, recorded, produced, and back up vocals by pepetorias on 04.18.11

caminando por la isla que es mi mente

me pongo a pensar en que hay mucha gente,

y todos piensan muy diferente,

y si el pasado y el presente

se podrian unir para formar un mejor futuro,

y si el mundo nos esta escuchando.

yo pienso y escribo y pienso,

pero escribo mucho y nunca digo nada

por la pena que me da la cara del otro,

el rostro del projimo. prefiero mantenerlo todo oculto

a que el mundo y todos me rechazen.

prefiero caminar como un fantasma

sin que nadie me reconozca

por donde nunca nadie sospecha.

se escuchará un poco egoista,

pero es que solo me he acostumbrado a la compañia mia.

vamos a hacer todo lo que queda faltando.

vamos a empezar por donde nuestros padres se han quedado,

a terminar todo lo que se ha dejado,

y a empezar todo lo que nunca ha funcionado.

vamos a hechar mano hermanas y hermanos,

a mejorar el camino para los que por aqui pasaran en el futuro.

por favor, vamos ayudarme a creer que todo es posible

cuando el pueblo se une y se forma un mundo diferente.

caminando por la isla que es mi mente,

me pongo a pintar y dibujar

un nuevo lugar en donde se pueda escuchar

sin tener que rechazar para entender

lo que dice, piensa, y haze el otro,

el reflejo detras del espejo,

porque es que solo me he acostumbrado a la compañia mia.

aqui no se presta ni se fía,

porque por aqui en nadie se confía,

y por favor no se ría tía.

pero es que por aqui andamos como los perros,

unos se creen valientes y otros muy feroz.

y yo solo pensando en un taco de arroz,

en mi amor en su jardin con una flor en su mano.

¿y es que que paso?

yo tenia entendido

que nostros los humanos

eramos todos hermanas y hermanos.

me han engañado, dejado confundido,

las acciones del otro, mas grande y mas fuerte

como un animal.

caminando por la isla que es mi mente,

el reflejo detras del espejo,

y todavía me estoy acostumbrando a la compañia mia.

04.18.11

and even if i had

recorded on 04.15.11

yes, i’d like to be honest with everybody

about what it is i’m feeling, what i’m thinking,

and how i can’t escape that daily feeling

about how i must be doing everything fucking wrong.

and even trying to write a song,

inside my head, the words and concepts won’t get along,

so i’ll choose a new perspective from which to view

the world revolve, rotate around you

without feeling like we’ll never make it through.

so what exactly is it that i have to do?

what is it that i’m supposed to prove?

maybe perhaps i am always out of line

cause maybe perhaps i’m just out my mind,

and maybe, it’s just a disguise and i’m fine.

double personalities and the masks we’re all wearing,

when out in public, which you are you showing?

and when at work which you are you whoring?

and which you do you persecute when nothing goes your way?

so much more that there is left to say.

but even if i had forever, i’d still need at least another day

to go and wander off under the shade

where i can rest and dream of another way

to survive intact what we call modern day.

cause how can i know what i am anymore?

try so hard to find any type of meaning, out there in the void,

but it is so cold and i feel so old.

i try to walk down the streets smiling,

but it’s hard with all the gray clouds,

with all of the chaos, the noise, the sound

of hungry families and neighbors screaming,

and the worst part of it all

is that this is nothing new.

this has been for always just repeating.

the cycle just continues.

poverty and the inner city is old news

like white boys appropriating the blues,

and calling it rock n roll.

but every story is two fold,

so why my community gets labeled criminal.

feels so derogatory what the media is thinking

transmitting about people that come from places like me.

but even if i had forever, i’d still need at least another day

to go and wander off under the shade

where i can rest and dream of another way

to survive intact what we call modern day.

04.08.11

the third world war

music written, recorded, and produced by pepetorias on 03.30.11

i’m about to start a third world war

in this so called first world,

and yeah i know that sounds so absurd.

but i’m just a second

class citizen

and i don’t think that even

my countrymen

can

understand,

so then

countrywomen

and children

can

we stand

on a higher plane and

plan?

i’m gonna start a third world war,

not world war three.

see,

cause psychologically

what this country

be

doing to me-

it’s making me

go crazy.

we need

solutions

to help things

be.

and i’m not a puppet

for the state to bleed,

simply, to feed the need

of corporate greed.

i’m gonna start a third world war

for all displaced,

underrepresented, and

ignored

populations of the planet

that are sick and tired

and have had it.

that don’t just want

to be statistics

for the market,

or some kind of social project.

i never signed a social contract,

in fact,

my whole life

has been a request

for permission to protest,

and i regret to inform

that existence falls short

from hell and heaven.

but i’m just a second

class citizen

and i don’t think that even

my countrymen

can

understand,

so then

countrywomen

and children

can

we stand

on a higher plane and

plan?

so don’t be surprised when tomorrow

millions of bodies decide

that they’ve had enough,

that they want no more

to do with any of this.

and don’t be alarmed

when the lunatics

start pulling the alarms.

cause everyone’s screaming,

and just making noise-

trying to be heard and

acknowledged by a society

that’s in such a hurry

to make us all commodities.

cause how much are you worth?

and what can you produce?

we’re not human beings anymore,

but a percentage or a statistic

in the numbers rich folks collect

to decide if you’re worth the investment.

so they pass out tests

to see what you have learned,

and see what i have taught.

but they can never know

of what it is we share.

the love that they can’t measure,

but that doesn’t matter at all-

we’re not human beings anymore.

don’t be surprised

when we start raising hell,

so you can smell what we’ve gone through.

as we have waited for so many years

just to be a part of history,

but his story is filled with so many

inaccuracies, and who’s been doing all the dictating?

but i’m just a second

class citizen,

and i don’t think that even

my countrymen

can

understand,

so then

countrywomen

and children

can

we stand

on a higher plane and

plan?

i’m gonna start a third world war

for all of you all.

i’m gonna start a third world war

for all of you all.

i’m gonna start a third world war

for all of you all,

for all of you all,

for all of you all,

for all of you all,

for all of you all.

cause what can you produce?

and how much are you worth?

03.30.11

ancient song

music written, recorded, and produced by pepetorias on 03.23.11

i will sing a song from the farthest island

where i have for always been hiding everything.

like the secret heartbeats of everything I’ve ever given life to,

like the whispering the leaves make under the breeze

when Mother Nature speaks to me,

but when you start speaking like that today they label one a loony, hippy,

say you just crazy. disconnected from reality.

all theory but no practicality,

and by that point i’ve gone tuned out,

and i’m not listening cause i refuse to be accomplice to any of this.

all theory and no practice,

i guess we’ll have to wait and see who’s really disconnected from reality,

but i’m not willing to sell me, and you can’t convince me about nature of the stupidity

about society’s decision-making

process. it simply makes no sense.

i will sing a song from the farthest island

in hopes that an alien planet will pick up the disturbance.

in hopes of finding some kind of balance

to all of the noise in the silence of my voice,

i will invoke some spirit folks from way before and times to come.

i will sing till we prevent, the whole of humanity don’t have to succumb,

and even if a rich powerful few are already too numb,

we can still make it new.

i will sing a song from the farthest island

in a silent whisper

like the ones that Mother Nature sang to me

when i laid my ear up against a tree

just to see if it would say anything if someone bothered listening,

but when you start speaking like that today they label one a loony, hippy.

say you just crazy. disconnected from reality.

 

we are blind to the tides of the times.

i mean, we will never find a reason to remain. remind

me of what’s the master plan. what vision are you offering?

and i’m wondering if our leaders realize towards where they’re leading us,

and how we follow along straight over the cliff.

i’m wondering, if

we realize if we’ve yet to open up our eyes.

perhaps, that’s why we’re so blind,

why for generations we created a system to leave millions behind.

why is it the past left clues for us to find?

why should i pay my dues just to be ordered back in the line?

it’s enough to make one numb, desensitized,

and i understand how folks lose their mind.

and if you give me a second i’ll share a moment of what it’s like

to be inside of mine,

and i’m still wondering if…

if we’ll follow the preacher politician up the hill towards the cliff,

i’m still wondering if…

if i speak so absurd, will my people understand or just label me a nerd?

and if i say i have more in common with e.e. cummings than biggie,

what would the whole rap community think of me?

i’m wondering if and it don’t even matter.

03.22.11

in the tradition of

i am a descendent of emily dickinson

i write poetry hidden away behind the walls,

under the stars,

above the moons,

and beyond the seas

where no one can ever see me.

i am a descendent in the tradition of emily dickinson.

 

cause i am a descendent in the tradition of emily dickinson.

i am the hermit monk and his chants and incantations.

and the city is a microcosm of whatever ism you’re feeling this season.

and i do prefer the quiet stillness of silence,

of simple thoughts and constantly appreciating nature’s beauty,

for this they’ll label me a dirty hippy,

when i see it much more like returning to original being,

and a much more simple way of living.

i’d much more prefer to sit under a tree with a notebook,

and stare up at the sun towards the horizon just to look

than to be up on a stage

when there are so many more secrets in whispers.

and i just can’t think clearly with all of the screaming and fighting

that goes on in the city,

so i feel much more comfortable

when i just observe and put pen to paper

or fingers make a keystroke.

all performance is a joke if no one pays attention anymore.

 

who is it that artists do it for?

 

i am a descendent in the tradition of emily dickinson,

and i write my words for no one really.

i write my words for those that are barely being born today.

i write my words for those that have yet to be born.

i write my words for tomorrow. i write my words for tomorrow.

i write my words for tomorrow.

i write my words because i feel like i have no other choice.

i am a descendent in the tradition of emily dickinson.

 

who is it that artists do it for?

 

roberto bolaño.

"Reading is like thinking, like praying, like talking to a friend, like expressing your ideas, like listening to other people's ideas, like listening to music, like looking at the view, like taking a walk on the beach."
— Roberto Bolaño (2666)

"Poetry and prison have always been neighbors."
— Roberto Bolaño (The Savage Detectives)
        

Roberto Bolaño’s writing fascinates and enthralls me. His stories engulf me and wrap me with his themes and characters. He is currently my favorite author right now. Upcoming, I will write future posts for some of my other favorite authors.

Bolaño was a Chilean writer, who moved to Mexico City during 1968, where student protests and the government crackdown at UNAM left quite an impression on young Roberto. In 1973, he returned to Chile to participate in the country’s new socialist government. After only a few months since arriving, Allende was overthrown through a military coup led by Pinochet. Bolaño was arrested, accused of being a Mexican spy/terrorist, but is quickly let go, and returns to Mexico.

In 1977, he moved to Europe and continues his life of vagabond poet. He lived mostly in Spain. During his early forties, he turned to writing more fiction than poetry because he felt he needed to make money to support his son. In 2003, he passed away due to liver failure.

The life that Bolaño led or wants us to believe he led is clearly described in his writing. His novels revolve around criminals, corrupt governments, sadistic fascists, nationalists, exiles, ex-patriots, and drug addicts, but above all, in all of his novels are the poets. The poet’s excess and immersion into chaos in order to find his/her voice like Rimbaud or Morrison.

Bolaño is a lefty poet who saw himself as a detective/journalist/rock star. And if we can believe his novels, he lived like each. His novels often read like an autobiography, in particular Savage Detectives. Here Bolaño describes poets of Mexico City during the late 60’s up through the 70’s, and “real visceralismo”, a poetry movement in Mexico during the twenties.

But his novels are also filled with imagination, such as Nazi Literature in the Americas, where Bolaño creates an array of writers and poets from the Americas with a right wing if not complete fascist leaning. Each character described seems so believable and plausible which gets one thinking that perhaps each character is simply a reference to an actual author that did really exist. And if Roberto Bolaño has actually read any of these authors’ work? The book reads like a reference guide with short biographies, but each story completely destroys the common notion of the liberal poet/artist, but what about the conservative artists. After all, Hitler failed art school.

Roberto Bolaño is a Beat poet for Chileans, for Mexicans, for Latin Americans, for Spanish speakers, for orphans of the world with no country or movement of their own. His work continues to be published posthumously, which may or may not be a good thing, but Bolaño will continue to remind and inspire future writers and poets to continue to struggle while also reminding that artists cannot simply check their politics at the door if they truly want to break on through. All while avoiding being dogmatic and coming off as preachy.

Titles I’ve read: (in order of preference)