3 thoughts on “in guadalajara: notion 103.

  1. Probably my favorite thing about this poem is the short, choppy lines. Not only is it visually appealing, but it also brings out the desperation of asking these questions, particularly in the first stanza. It reads really well out loud, which is something that I enjoy in poetry.
    I have some suggestions, and I hope I’m not out of bounds for bringing them up. I don’t think that your last stanza finishes up an idea. It clearly brings up the question of faith, (what is it, if we can’t see it, why should we believe, etc) but particularly the middle two lines, I think there needs to be some transitioning word between the two. If not the idea is lost amongst all the beautiful words in the poem. I say this only because I think what you are saying is extremely important, and I don’t want to see this poem just become a bunch of pretty words put together. My biggest piece of advice would be to go through the poem, read it out loud and try to finish thoughts you put together, make them coherent–which I think you can do, and still make the poem very staccato.
    That being said, I think that the questioning of any sort of faith is a strong subject to write about. I’m interested in hearing more about what sparked this poem, and I have to say that I am a huge fan of the way you split your poems into locations, and the idea of them as “notions”. I know you will continue to write, and I look forward to reading other things you publish.

    Like

    • Thank you so much for your words and ideas. I appreciate the advice and suggestion for the poem. I will definitely take it into account and see what I come up with. It’s good to hear people’s thoughts on my poems because often times in my head the poems are already done. But for sure the written word can always use a good edit. Again thank you for the comments, and glad you will be coming back to read more.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s