dead serious.

dead serious.

just a standup comic 
whose weaknesses mock poetry, 
but some things you have to take seriously. 

just a stand up comic, 
whispering empty nothings into a larger void, 
but some things, 
not me, 
some things you have to take seriously. 

like nietzsche, dostoevsky, hell even freud, 
you have to take that seriously? 
socrates, aristotle, maybe jesus, aids or nuclear threats, 
do we take those seriously? 

just a stand up comic, 
a clown, 
not really funny. 
sorry but joke 
lacks punch lines. 
am court’s jester 
prepared for abuse, 
awaiting jury of non-peers 
to reach a verdict 
because some things, not me, 
whether anyone likes it or not, even though i’m 
     quite sorry to inform, 
have to be taken seriously. 

but then, 
just maybe, 
one day 
i’ll grow to be old enough 
and detached 
to not have to care 
or give a fuck. 

cynicism and sarcasm no longer defenses but a way of travel 

and plans for living.

07.26.02.

color stupid (out of lines).

color stupid (out of lines).

“hello students,
you have a new classmate. 
he is red.” 

teacher called me red, 
and i 
didn’t know why, 
but i 
should have realized 
it meant i 
would die. 

kids were all different. 
violet was mean and violent. 
yellow- shy. 
pink- sweet but silent. 

but no one got along 
because the teachers wouldn’t let us. 
teachers pointed out differences. 
and what the teachers taught us would only end up killing us. 

the kids made fun of everyone. 
yellow-green was a mutt, 
but didn’t understand what that meant. 
blue and green were always fighting, 
but didn’t understand why they fought. 
didn’t understand why no one got along. 

and in school--had a friend, 
they called him purple. 
and teacher said, 
we couldn’t play because we were different. 
teacher said colors weren’t supposed to mix. 

so when i got home, i ran inside, reached into my bookbag 
got an eraser and erased myself. 

and now i am invisible. and now i am invincible. 
and now i am invisible. and now i am invincible. 
and now i am invisible. and now i am invincible.
1996.

Introduction

preface. 

why am i writing poetry? why is anyone writing poetry anymore? well that there’s a good question, isn’t it? why does anyone ever indulge in such a waste of time? merely to pass the time and indulge in self-indulgent feelings where one is continuously simply thinking about thinking. an exercise in mental masturbation.

poetry’s been reduced to plain pop and simple rap about bitches and ho’s or loves that just can’t be. or maybe you hate your parents? poetry and lyrics murdered by lip-synchers, dancers, and fake mc’s, or by some angst driven suburbanite that needs you to feel his pain, or the drunk little white boys that fantasize about being as cool as the rappers while playing their guitar and their three chords.

poetry murdered and retreated underground to slams and open mic’s. and what happened to the poets? very few practice the magic or the witchcraft anymore, and only those that write poetry go to listen and/or read poetry.

just trying to have a place to talk, have their voices heard, and

rant.

is poetry now just everyone’s inner noise and static? poetry’s been many things – sorcerers and spells, the tribe calling for rain, the church and ceremony, all calling higher powers and higher beings, prayer and

incantation.

poetry’s been a song and a political

chant.

so why am i writing poetry? and who the fuck cares? nobody cares.

the truth is sometimes i wonder if even i care, and not just about this here poetry, but about everything, and when you get down to it, i don’t think anyone really cares because when you get down to it, no one’s really committed themselves to this place here, earth, because everyone is well aware of the fact that one day they will die.

nobody cares and don’t confuse yourself by telling yourself that, “oh wait because i do care.” no you don’t. nobody cares. would you die for this earth or this life? no, why would you? maybe you would fight for your shit, but you wouldn’t die for it. why would you die for it? what would be the point then?

or maybe you’d like to think that you’d die for future generations, but that wouldn’t be dying for something, it’d be sacrificing yourself. oh, how noble of you; comparing yourself to a martyr, and you haven’t even died yet.

nobody cares and don’t get it twisted, ya heard. one day it will all make sense like a taoist dream or a yaqui exercise and you’ll experience

easy breathing.

but sometimes confusion leads to anger and one climbs mountaintops to yell like zarathustra; “fuck da police,” or “fuck you i won’t do what you tell me,” or “hasta la victoria” because everyone’s allowed to throw a

tantrum.

the world can eat you up, lead you into dark corners, and scare you into hiding. people can make you afraid. the whole world can be frightening because everything looks black with shades of gray. everything will seem so small like the walls caving in or too grand to grasp until you feel yourself under vertigo. chest beating hard and difficulties in breathing-

panic attack.

rants, chants, and incantations.

tantrums, panic attacks, and easy breathing.

why am i writing poetry? because i can’t sing or because i’m not a rapper. maybe, i just like e.e. cummings and typing way too much. maybe, i was bored. maybe, this is just what the fuck i wanted to do.

remember, the number sixan d the number 75 and that 75 plus six equals 81.  because eight plus one is nine.

with all this having been said…

02.02.03.

chicago, short e.

prologue.

fuck explanations.
just read; poetry bleeding from out of our 
     shared history; 
from witchcraft and spells, to legends and songs, 
     recording history through poetry, poetic 
     ethnography; 
from speaking to god, to just remembering, 
     playing innocently in the garden and 
     speaking to moths. 
some write to write, write to share, write out of 
     necessity, write to find, or lose their mind. 

enter the universe’s spine- easy breathing. 
call out to the god’s- incantations. 
world is just too small- panic attacks. 
never get mine’s- tantrums. 
sing along magic spells- chants. 
just need to talk- rants. 

fuck explanations. 
no one reads poetry. no one reads anymore. 
this isn’t for no one or anyone. just me for me. 

fuck explanations and fuck you – 
the reader. 
                                                  12.02.02. 
short e.

my year in lists – topics of interest

So I will be compiling random lists of tens. I guess until I run out of ideas. Each list will be about a specific topic. None of the lists will be extensive, but merely reflect the mood I am in. All of the lists will be presented in no particular order, but probably more or less the order in which I thought about them.

If anything these lists are meant to help me keep mental inventory of my interests.

Topics of Interest

1. Graffiti 

piece by Blu

I love the city, and am an urban brat. With that said, maybe it’s because of the neighborhoods I’ve grown up in, but graffiti has always intrigued me. The level of expression and the level of illegality make the art form attractive to all urban rebels, especially since many of its messages have yet to be deciphered.

2. Yoga

Viribhadrasana

I know it’s trendy as all hell, but for someone who grew up disliking jocks, yoga is a happy medium. The stretching is something that gets me going, and ready to head out into the city streets. The fact that I can practice yoga anywhere I have my mat is something, which ensures I maintain my yoga practice. Plus the meditation aspect of yoga is perfect to help shut off the city noise when so desired.

I’m personally a big fan of Rodney Yee, and watching his DVD’s really helped get my practice started which has now lasted over two years.

3. Shamanism

Shaman vision

My initial interest began with Jim Morrison. Eventually, I read Carlos Castaneda books. In my travels through Mexico, I have at several times attempted to connect to my indigenous past through shamanism and my ancestors magical past.

Anyone with a little of consciousness can sense that something is very wrong with the world. You don’t have to be an economist or rocket scientist to have a feeling that we are heading in a very dangerous direction. Perhaps, now more that ever, we are in need of the Shaman. Our rock stars no longer fulfill that need, the way the Doors intended to do.

4. IndieDIY

As someone that grew up on punk music, this is just a further extent of the culture into adulthood. I am glad that the DIY movement is extending outside of the music scene and into very pragmatic everyday things like generating one’s own electricity. The mainstream will never know where it’s at until it’s too late because the kids are all doing it for themselves.

5. Environmentalism

Being green.

This is a no brainer. The planet is on everyone’s minds, well at least those of us who believe in science. I’m really excited by the do-it-yourself aspect of a lot of environmental initiatives, especially those in the inner city and in “underdeveloped” countries.

6. Mexico

painting by Orozco

Mexico is the country where my parents came from. In order to better understand who I am, I have had to learn about where they came from. This has helped me understand them better, but also myself. The country to the south is like a grandparent I hardly knew growing up, but with which I have become very familiar with as an adult. Mexico is for all intents and purposes still a post-revolutionary state.

corazon Zapatista

7. Education

 

Let me be clear, I am interested in an education of liberation, and not simply in a liberal education. Until that distinction is made clear, all conversation and dialogue will be futile.

8. Poetry

Saul Williams

"Coded Language" on Def Poetry Jam

Poetry is my passion, my friend, my retreat, and my weapon. Poetry fills a lot of spaces in my world. I first started writing regularly when I was 12, but I didn’t think of myself as a serious poet until I was 16. Still I wasn’t able to refer to myself as a poet until I came up with the moniker, po’ E.T. about 4-5 years ago.

Will post a post about my favorite ten poets later, or at least my ten favorite that day.

9. Vinyl

not just for hipsters anymore

I got into vinyl into seeing something on the history channel. They found these vases that had grooves on the outside, which they tried to play with a needle and a speaker. They explained about how if we were to lose access to all technology, we’d still be able to play vinyl as long one had a needle and something to use as a speaker. It made me think, “I better get some vinyl to ensure I got some tunes for the apocalypse.”

10. Black & White Photography

Beatriz's great grandfather

Nothing beats being able to process your own film and develop one’s own photos. I miss having access to a darkroom, but digital photography compensates for it, and requires much less space and no inhaling of chemicals.

roberto bolaño.

"Reading is like thinking, like praying, like talking to a friend, like expressing your ideas, like listening to other people's ideas, like listening to music, like looking at the view, like taking a walk on the beach."
— Roberto Bolaño (2666)

"Poetry and prison have always been neighbors."
— Roberto Bolaño (The Savage Detectives)
        

Roberto Bolaño’s writing fascinates and enthralls me. His stories engulf me and wrap me with his themes and characters. He is currently my favorite author right now. Upcoming, I will write future posts for some of my other favorite authors.

Bolaño was a Chilean writer, who moved to Mexico City during 1968, where student protests and the government crackdown at UNAM left quite an impression on young Roberto. In 1973, he returned to Chile to participate in the country’s new socialist government. After only a few months since arriving, Allende was overthrown through a military coup led by Pinochet. Bolaño was arrested, accused of being a Mexican spy/terrorist, but is quickly let go, and returns to Mexico.

In 1977, he moved to Europe and continues his life of vagabond poet. He lived mostly in Spain. During his early forties, he turned to writing more fiction than poetry because he felt he needed to make money to support his son. In 2003, he passed away due to liver failure.

The life that Bolaño led or wants us to believe he led is clearly described in his writing. His novels revolve around criminals, corrupt governments, sadistic fascists, nationalists, exiles, ex-patriots, and drug addicts, but above all, in all of his novels are the poets. The poet’s excess and immersion into chaos in order to find his/her voice like Rimbaud or Morrison.

Bolaño is a lefty poet who saw himself as a detective/journalist/rock star. And if we can believe his novels, he lived like each. His novels often read like an autobiography, in particular Savage Detectives. Here Bolaño describes poets of Mexico City during the late 60’s up through the 70’s, and “real visceralismo”, a poetry movement in Mexico during the twenties.

But his novels are also filled with imagination, such as Nazi Literature in the Americas, where Bolaño creates an array of writers and poets from the Americas with a right wing if not complete fascist leaning. Each character described seems so believable and plausible which gets one thinking that perhaps each character is simply a reference to an actual author that did really exist. And if Roberto Bolaño has actually read any of these authors’ work? The book reads like a reference guide with short biographies, but each story completely destroys the common notion of the liberal poet/artist, but what about the conservative artists. After all, Hitler failed art school.

Roberto Bolaño is a Beat poet for Chileans, for Mexicans, for Latin Americans, for Spanish speakers, for orphans of the world with no country or movement of their own. His work continues to be published posthumously, which may or may not be a good thing, but Bolaño will continue to remind and inspire future writers and poets to continue to struggle while also reminding that artists cannot simply check their politics at the door if they truly want to break on through. All while avoiding being dogmatic and coming off as preachy.

Titles I’ve read: (in order of preference)

influences.

in no particular order…

music::common… rza… beck… madvillian… cafe tacuba… nirvana… nin… the cure… mos def… talib kweli… dangermouse… the strokes… caifanes… manu chao… bright eyes… zack de la rocha… marz volta… outkast… john lennon… bob dylan… john coltrane… john cage… air… portishead… saul williams… the clash… the sexpistols… typical cats… weezer… green day… porter… the streets… blur/gorillaz… eyedea… atmosphere… iggy pop… lou reed… dead can dance… woodie guthrie… mudhoney

movies::trainspotting… amores perros… bowling for columbine… waking life… the princess and the warrior… fast cheap and out of control… the harder they come… zurdo… men with guns… matrix… fight club… slam… night and fog… taxi driver… deadman… ghost dog… do the right thing… granito de arena… grain of salt… hero… pi… requiem for a dream… clockwork orange… nicotina… dr. strangelove… donnie darko… i “heart” huckabees

books::fight club… the antichrist… metamorphises… boy genius… book of lies… the stranger… the alchemist… brave new world… bomb the suburbs… fat city… illusions… the teachings of don juan… laberinto de soledad… 20 poemas de amor y una cancion desesperada… malcolm x speaks… live from death row… kill kill faster faster… slaughter house V… breakfast of champions… sula… junky… howl and other poems… said the shot gun to the head…animal farm