36 haiku on suicide and the disappearing pond. p.2

36 haiku on suicide and the disappearing pond. p.2

and pulls the trigger,
scraping off time’s memory,
peeling mental scabs.

peeling mental scabs,
red begins to overflow-
pain all in my head.

pain all in my head,
creates chaos, confusion
when asked, why i choose.

when asked, why i choose
to live apart? i reply,
to keep myself sane.

to keep myself sane,
some secrets can’t be revealed.
how much can one share?

how much can one share
before feeling invaded?
please, just let me leave.

please, just let me leave,
fading energy rising
desire to give up.

desire to give up
and a need for migration,
returning to space.

returning to space
towards a feeling of home-
a message sent in.

02.03-12.20.04.

36 haiku on suicide and the disappearing pond. p.I

36 haiku on suicide and the disappearing pond.

just needed some space-
it was getting too stuffy,
and i couldn’t breathe.

and i couldn’t breathe,
an intellectual’s dream
while reading nietzsche.

while reading nietzche
and exploring jean-paul sartre,
sank into a void.

sank into a void,
all surrounded by darkness,
i wanted to die.

i wanted to die,
but thought that that would be rude,
so stayed for a while.

so stayed for a while,
and all things became unclear.
who murdered nature?

who murdered nature
or the original state?
now, how should i be?

now, how should i be?
these blank stares aiming at me,
shooting off weapons.

shooting off weapons,
blood spreads all over this space
and pulls the trigger.

02.03-12.20.04.

blank.

blank.

i’m not the only one
weapon of,
dedicated to,
in the name of the
_____________blank.
but not in my
name of the
_____________blank.
check the i.d.
i’m not the only one,
anonymous,
often lost amongst the mist
a
_____________blank
message w/out sender.
no one remembers my
_____________blank.
_____________blank, _____________blank, _____________blank
when the gun went off
into the sky.
i’m not the only one,
_____________blank,
anonymous.
i’m not the only one,
_____________blank,
anonymous.
_____________blank,
anonymous.

10.24.05.

lefty.

lefty.

left handed piece for the broken right.
go in reverse.
go in reverse
to curse the verse.
which is worse,
we are stuck
here on earth
w/ out wings to fly,
or an imagination
to escape.

so i start asking questions,
and then my brain starts
to wander off
into the night
cause this is just a
left handed piece for the broken right.

and i’m not afraid to dream.
and i’m not afraid to sleep.
left handed piece for the broken right
cause i am not like you.

yes,
we will all just become
someone else’s memories,
but so then tell me
what were we before?
(because what is
the standard of reality?)

please, an island.
find me an island
to wander off
into the night.
cause this is just a
left handed piece for the broken right.

we sing our songs
to remember the worlds
inside of our minds.
how i hope
that this wasn’t for real,
but i fear that it is.

the universe scattered fragments
of which we are all pieces of
which don’t make sense,
so why not then
just go.
go in reverse. go in reverse.
and what is worse
feeling cursed
like we are stuck
here on earth
w/ out (any) wings to fly,
or an
imagination
to escape.

so i start asking questions,
and then my brain starts
to wander off
into the night
cause this is just a
left handed piece for the broken right.

07.05.

i’m sorry my dear.

i’m sorry my dear.

my move
-ments
in mo-
ments
lose
pur(r)-
pose [lik(e) a
mo-
del’s smile].
i am trying
(that’s my ex
-cuse)
2b sin
-cere, but all
the noise and the
static of things
keep creep
-ing in.
i’ve often wandered.
i’ve often wondered
how 1 does it
? s)tick(s 2 1’s
princ
-i-
ples. please
my dear,
i am sorry.
4 not k(no)wing
how 2b a
hu- (or)
man
be)ing.
please my dear,
hand me a copy
of the set of
instructions
on how 2b a
hu- morless
be(ing.

01.09.05.

existentialist moment.

existentialist moment.

be boy.
be girl.
be good. be good.

i’m so afraid of making mis/takes,
of falling
short of what’s expected-
what i’m expecting from
the world.

because beauty
is
bountiful, but barriers border,

therefore impeding

being. being babbling backward babylon’s

ancient rhetoric

banishing balance, but banking

on the people’s brand of ignorance,
lack of free will,
and our plain idleness.

barbaric bohemian baptisms bankrupt before bailing
out
brainwashed barbed bantlings breaking 2 beats.

when will our existentialist moment come?
when will our existentialist moment come?

b boy. boy just b. b boy. boy just b.

when will our existentialist moment come?
when will our existentialist moment come?

i’m not on a different planet
and i 2 need oxygen (o) 2 breathe.
“please, share your air (h2o) with me/eeee!”
is what the children will plead
on the $treet$ from the rich.
and i’m not a communi$t,

but
mostly, i just want to
be,
mostly, i just want to, mostly,
i just want.

when will our existentialist moment come?
when will our existentialist moment come?

this is not a dream.
you are al/one in the quest for self.
no one cares much about u as u,
but we are
not alone
because we all
share the planet,
and we all need oxygen to breathe.

when will our existentialist moment come?
when will our existentialist moment come?

12.02.04.

the poetry of children.

the poetry of children.

breaking schemas
and
the molding of tomorrow’s youth
into plastic soldiers
with replaceable, interchangeable personalities,
guns, and names.
marching away into the eve
of tomorrow’s dawn,
our
children’s poetry
will be
bullets and gunshots ricocheting off the walls
that once supported dreams.

left trying to decipher,
marks on the wall,
messages in graffiti,
if there was ever any
meaning.
cavemen left their marks on walls,
but these new scars relate misguided, disenchanted,
disenfranchised urban youth, revenge on the concrete
built on superficial ideals,
wasted energy, fading hope, and savage inequalities.

historians will remain in awe
at stains of blood,
of murder filled books juxtaposed with fairy tales.
and these stories are yet to be recorded and written.
depending on who dictates the future,
and how much everyone’s allowed to know,
they may never get written.

thus the
children’s poetry
must not fall on
or off
deaf ears,
so that deviant behavior and memory
will continue to remind
history,
and perhaps the whole conscious
of present society,
of those ignored, gentrified, and pushed to the outskirts
until permeating the psyche.
being that truth cannot be
hidden or buried,
children’s poetry
will come out beating
to rhythms the color of love
that most people have already long forgotten.
beatings and rhythms,
washing out
the bitterness the present has left us.
or maybe it’s just me that keeps hearing
the same thing,
the same song
that everyone’s been singing.
all the radio’s been playing.
dewey would argue what the schools have been teaching
for centuries since the romans and greeks,
or what corporate entities dictate through promoting.

because
nobody’s been listening,
nobody is listening,
nobody is listening
to the
children’s poetry.

cause what could they possibly teach anybody?

the
children’s poetry,
strange mutterings,
frequencies,
but transmissions
have had a tendency of being
intercepted,
and thus the message has yet to be
fully understood.
but children still believe in poetry.
translating messages for history,
some must start then decoding these writings and movements
before an eternal silence befalls us all.
trying to figure
children’s poetry,
already hiding in alleys,
break dancing, and drawing on walls.
trained to be just like little adults.
learning quickly to bully and scheme,
how to politic and maneuver,
aaaarrrggghhhhh.
next comes the nervous breakdown.
screaming, shouting, shooting in schools.

wait.
it’s already happening.
wait.

because
nobody’s been listening,
nobody is listening,
nobody is listening
to the
children’s poetry.

listening to the static off the vinyl
interwoven into the grooves
until foundations come down crumbling
off the bass
from the
children’s poetry.
yelling to be recognized
as a single living identity, entity,
independent of society’s standards and schemas
of how children are supposed to be.
the whole of society seems bent and content with silencing
what echoes tremble in the voice of
children’s poetry.
dancing, running, playing, exploring, discovering
without guides, barriers, or grown ups
at peace to develop like haiku:

the child once had thoughts
till order became borders
the child could not cross.

the child still has dreams,
but rules are raised up like walls.
free the child in me.

please.

free the child in me.
please. free the child in me. please.
free the child in me.

free the child in me.
please. free the child in me. please.
free the child in me.

9.24.04.