forget the tomorrow.

forget the tomorrow.

nothing 
should matter, 
nothing should 
matter, 
nothing should matter. 

weeds 
grow, 
everything else 
deteriorates and decays. 

gonna 
die soon 
so 
then guess (guess what?) 
forget tomorrow. 

forget tomorrow. 
forget 
tomorrow and fuck 
tomorrow. 

and all 
children 
will arrive 
at same 
conclusion 
because if, because if 
tomorrow really mattered, 
then all one 
would be allowed 
to speak of 
would be love.

07.28.02.

engaging in conversation.

engaging in conversation.

          can we talk? can we? wondering the same question? keep thinking; people even talking to each other anymore, or just waiting for a turn to speak? no one listens. so is anyone engaging in conversation? are we just companions/ spectators for each others’ monologues? everyone as everyone else’s psychiatrist.

but what happens then to our sacred privacy? is anyone willing to risk their precious self? so i guess, yes, we can talk. but will we be listening to each other, or simply reply with preplanned conversation techniques learned to respond with, so as to seem interested or attentive in situations when one is not?

will we give a fuck about each other’s conversation? will we just bore ourselves?

humanity is mediocre and that’s it. so why not just get lost in mediocre conversation, and listen as well as mediocre selves can? listen our little mediocre hearts out. so yeah, we can talk. what you wanna talk about?

11.09.02.

dead serious.

dead serious.

just a standup comic 
whose weaknesses mock poetry, 
but some things you have to take seriously. 

just a stand up comic, 
whispering empty nothings into a larger void, 
but some things, 
not me, 
some things you have to take seriously. 

like nietzsche, dostoevsky, hell even freud, 
you have to take that seriously? 
socrates, aristotle, maybe jesus, aids or nuclear threats, 
do we take those seriously? 

just a stand up comic, 
a clown, 
not really funny. 
sorry but joke 
lacks punch lines. 
am court’s jester 
prepared for abuse, 
awaiting jury of non-peers 
to reach a verdict 
because some things, not me, 
whether anyone likes it or not, even though i’m 
     quite sorry to inform, 
have to be taken seriously. 

but then, 
just maybe, 
one day 
i’ll grow to be old enough 
and detached 
to not have to care 
or give a fuck. 

cynicism and sarcasm no longer defenses but a way of travel 

and plans for living.

07.26.02.

color stupid (out of lines).

color stupid (out of lines).

“hello students,
you have a new classmate. 
he is red.” 

teacher called me red, 
and i 
didn’t know why, 
but i 
should have realized 
it meant i 
would die. 

kids were all different. 
violet was mean and violent. 
yellow- shy. 
pink- sweet but silent. 

but no one got along 
because the teachers wouldn’t let us. 
teachers pointed out differences. 
and what the teachers taught us would only end up killing us. 

the kids made fun of everyone. 
yellow-green was a mutt, 
but didn’t understand what that meant. 
blue and green were always fighting, 
but didn’t understand why they fought. 
didn’t understand why no one got along. 

and in school--had a friend, 
they called him purple. 
and teacher said, 
we couldn’t play because we were different. 
teacher said colors weren’t supposed to mix. 

so when i got home, i ran inside, reached into my bookbag 
got an eraser and erased myself. 

and now i am invisible. and now i am invincible. 
and now i am invisible. and now i am invincible. 
and now i am invisible. and now i am invincible.
1996.

Introduction

preface. 

why am i writing poetry? why is anyone writing poetry anymore? well that there’s a good question, isn’t it? why does anyone ever indulge in such a waste of time? merely to pass the time and indulge in self-indulgent feelings where one is continuously simply thinking about thinking. an exercise in mental masturbation.

poetry’s been reduced to plain pop and simple rap about bitches and ho’s or loves that just can’t be. or maybe you hate your parents? poetry and lyrics murdered by lip-synchers, dancers, and fake mc’s, or by some angst driven suburbanite that needs you to feel his pain, or the drunk little white boys that fantasize about being as cool as the rappers while playing their guitar and their three chords.

poetry murdered and retreated underground to slams and open mic’s. and what happened to the poets? very few practice the magic or the witchcraft anymore, and only those that write poetry go to listen and/or read poetry.

just trying to have a place to talk, have their voices heard, and

rant.

is poetry now just everyone’s inner noise and static? poetry’s been many things – sorcerers and spells, the tribe calling for rain, the church and ceremony, all calling higher powers and higher beings, prayer and

incantation.

poetry’s been a song and a political

chant.

so why am i writing poetry? and who the fuck cares? nobody cares.

the truth is sometimes i wonder if even i care, and not just about this here poetry, but about everything, and when you get down to it, i don’t think anyone really cares because when you get down to it, no one’s really committed themselves to this place here, earth, because everyone is well aware of the fact that one day they will die.

nobody cares and don’t confuse yourself by telling yourself that, “oh wait because i do care.” no you don’t. nobody cares. would you die for this earth or this life? no, why would you? maybe you would fight for your shit, but you wouldn’t die for it. why would you die for it? what would be the point then?

or maybe you’d like to think that you’d die for future generations, but that wouldn’t be dying for something, it’d be sacrificing yourself. oh, how noble of you; comparing yourself to a martyr, and you haven’t even died yet.

nobody cares and don’t get it twisted, ya heard. one day it will all make sense like a taoist dream or a yaqui exercise and you’ll experience

easy breathing.

but sometimes confusion leads to anger and one climbs mountaintops to yell like zarathustra; “fuck da police,” or “fuck you i won’t do what you tell me,” or “hasta la victoria” because everyone’s allowed to throw a

tantrum.

the world can eat you up, lead you into dark corners, and scare you into hiding. people can make you afraid. the whole world can be frightening because everything looks black with shades of gray. everything will seem so small like the walls caving in or too grand to grasp until you feel yourself under vertigo. chest beating hard and difficulties in breathing-

panic attack.

rants, chants, and incantations.

tantrums, panic attacks, and easy breathing.

why am i writing poetry? because i can’t sing or because i’m not a rapper. maybe, i just like e.e. cummings and typing way too much. maybe, i was bored. maybe, this is just what the fuck i wanted to do.

remember, the number sixan d the number 75 and that 75 plus six equals 81.  because eight plus one is nine.

with all this having been said…

02.02.03.

chicago, short e.

prologue.

fuck explanations.
just read; poetry bleeding from out of our 
     shared history; 
from witchcraft and spells, to legends and songs, 
     recording history through poetry, poetic 
     ethnography; 
from speaking to god, to just remembering, 
     playing innocently in the garden and 
     speaking to moths. 
some write to write, write to share, write out of 
     necessity, write to find, or lose their mind. 

enter the universe’s spine- easy breathing. 
call out to the god’s- incantations. 
world is just too small- panic attacks. 
never get mine’s- tantrums. 
sing along magic spells- chants. 
just need to talk- rants. 

fuck explanations. 
no one reads poetry. no one reads anymore. 
this isn’t for no one or anyone. just me for me. 

fuck explanations and fuck you – 
the reader. 
                                                  12.02.02. 
short e.

portrait of the artist

as a young man

1996 – Somos Latinos Aspirantes assembly

color stupid (out of lines). 

“hello students,
you have a new classmate.
he is red.”
teacher called me red,
and i
didn’t know why,
but i
should have realized
it meant i
would die.
kids were all different.
violet was mean and violent.
yellow- shy.
pink- sweet but silent.
but no one got along
because the teachers wouldn’t let us.
teachers pointed out differences.
and what the teachers taught us would only end up killing us.
the kids made fun of everyone.
yellow-green was a mutt,
but didn’t understand what that meant.
blue and green were always fighting,
but didn’t understand why they fought.
didn’t understand why no one got along.
and in school had a friend,
they called him purple.
and teacher said,
we couldn’t play because we were different.
teacher said colors weren’t supposed to mix.
so when i got home,
got an eraser and erased myself.
and now i am invisible.
and now i am invincible.
1996.

1997 – Somos Latinos Aspirantes

stolen treasures.

ancient temple,
burning city,
heart of tenochtitlan
mutilated and raped into mexico city.

quatemoc says,
“we face rainy weather,”
as screams fill the air while his feet burn,
and ashes float through empty heaven.

men in guns and suits of armor
riding beasts that travel fast.
cortez the leader steals
the riches for his mistress.

the young warrior wonders,
“father, where do we go now?”
father responds,
“follow the sun west,”

“people of the sun have hope
until the sun is gone.”
but now, nighttime comes,
sun has disappeared,

moans and screams resonate.
sound of spanish leather
whipping against the once strong warrior.
the clouds no longer allow view of the sun.

so awake.
aztec blood
robbed of its dignity and pride.
european blood lost all power.

mestizo blood’s been dying.
and so, now swim
in pool of silence
with no escape but drowning

that when i look in the mirror, see
an ancient figure, which makes me,
feel so sad with its
bleeding wounds and lost ways.

and in the end this empty dance
for rain turns into pain,
genocide, mass suicide, more priests-
assimilated hopes and dreams.
1997.

1999 – Fiesta Assembly

can i feel it.

can i feel it? 
what do you mean, can i, feel it? 
yeah, i can feel it, see it, hear it, smell it, taste it. 
i can feel it like whiplashes on my back, like mental chains around my brain cells,
like handcuffs on my wrists. 
i can see pride hanging from a flag demanding freedom for its heroes,
demanding self-determination for its mother nation through ideals of revolution. 
can see heroes turned into murderers and terrorists through history’s pages. 
i can hear it in the songs of a colonized people, hoping to erect a new steeple. 
hear it in the voices of citizens that only want what ‘s theirs. 
i can taste it like blood on my lips mixed with anger, hatred, and a love for
freedom, like arroz con frijoles, so natural to parents, unlike freedom,
which is a daily struggle. 
i can smell it mixed with southern winds, with tales of rebellion of a proud
people. 
so yeah, i can feel it. 
can feel the rage of a nation colonized by an imperialistic united states and set up
as a commonwealth for big brother. 
but you, can you feel it?
4.29.99.

my year in lists – topics of interest

So I will be compiling random lists of tens. I guess until I run out of ideas. Each list will be about a specific topic. None of the lists will be extensive, but merely reflect the mood I am in. All of the lists will be presented in no particular order, but probably more or less the order in which I thought about them.

If anything these lists are meant to help me keep mental inventory of my interests.

Topics of Interest

1. Graffiti 

piece by Blu

I love the city, and am an urban brat. With that said, maybe it’s because of the neighborhoods I’ve grown up in, but graffiti has always intrigued me. The level of expression and the level of illegality make the art form attractive to all urban rebels, especially since many of its messages have yet to be deciphered.

2. Yoga

Viribhadrasana

I know it’s trendy as all hell, but for someone who grew up disliking jocks, yoga is a happy medium. The stretching is something that gets me going, and ready to head out into the city streets. The fact that I can practice yoga anywhere I have my mat is something, which ensures I maintain my yoga practice. Plus the meditation aspect of yoga is perfect to help shut off the city noise when so desired.

I’m personally a big fan of Rodney Yee, and watching his DVD’s really helped get my practice started which has now lasted over two years.

3. Shamanism

Shaman vision

My initial interest began with Jim Morrison. Eventually, I read Carlos Castaneda books. In my travels through Mexico, I have at several times attempted to connect to my indigenous past through shamanism and my ancestors magical past.

Anyone with a little of consciousness can sense that something is very wrong with the world. You don’t have to be an economist or rocket scientist to have a feeling that we are heading in a very dangerous direction. Perhaps, now more that ever, we are in need of the Shaman. Our rock stars no longer fulfill that need, the way the Doors intended to do.

4. IndieDIY

As someone that grew up on punk music, this is just a further extent of the culture into adulthood. I am glad that the DIY movement is extending outside of the music scene and into very pragmatic everyday things like generating one’s own electricity. The mainstream will never know where it’s at until it’s too late because the kids are all doing it for themselves.

5. Environmentalism

Being green.

This is a no brainer. The planet is on everyone’s minds, well at least those of us who believe in science. I’m really excited by the do-it-yourself aspect of a lot of environmental initiatives, especially those in the inner city and in “underdeveloped” countries.

6. Mexico

painting by Orozco

Mexico is the country where my parents came from. In order to better understand who I am, I have had to learn about where they came from. This has helped me understand them better, but also myself. The country to the south is like a grandparent I hardly knew growing up, but with which I have become very familiar with as an adult. Mexico is for all intents and purposes still a post-revolutionary state.

corazon Zapatista

7. Education

 

Let me be clear, I am interested in an education of liberation, and not simply in a liberal education. Until that distinction is made clear, all conversation and dialogue will be futile.

8. Poetry

Saul Williams

"Coded Language" on Def Poetry Jam

Poetry is my passion, my friend, my retreat, and my weapon. Poetry fills a lot of spaces in my world. I first started writing regularly when I was 12, but I didn’t think of myself as a serious poet until I was 16. Still I wasn’t able to refer to myself as a poet until I came up with the moniker, po’ E.T. about 4-5 years ago.

Will post a post about my favorite ten poets later, or at least my ten favorite that day.

9. Vinyl

not just for hipsters anymore

I got into vinyl into seeing something on the history channel. They found these vases that had grooves on the outside, which they tried to play with a needle and a speaker. They explained about how if we were to lose access to all technology, we’d still be able to play vinyl as long one had a needle and something to use as a speaker. It made me think, “I better get some vinyl to ensure I got some tunes for the apocalypse.”

10. Black & White Photography

Beatriz's great grandfather

Nothing beats being able to process your own film and develop one’s own photos. I miss having access to a darkroom, but digital photography compensates for it, and requires much less space and no inhaling of chemicals.